Passion Faux Pas
Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about
That's what they say and from both personal and professional experience I can tell you it's bull. shit.
You can’t imagine your life without him/her. You can’t just “turn off” your feelings. You feel like you “owe it to yourself” to give it one more try. All of those things are code for I'm too insecure to be alone so I'm willing to rationalize poor behavior in order to delay inevitable pain.
Breaking up suuuucks. It’s a lingering, aching, annoying pain that will not go away, or at least we don’t think so, until time goes by. Slowly but surely we realize that the pain a breakup will cause is only a small percentage of the pain you’ll avoid y getting out. Unfortunately, most people don’t realize that until they’re looking down the barrel of a loaded gun.
Before you decide to marry someone, have a child or buy property you need to evaluate your relationship and decide if you "just can't live without them," or if you have a stable, healthy, loving relationship where both people need a mutual understanding of the other's wants and needs and prioritizes meeting those needs.
Yes, we’re all looking for that passionate, I can't live without you type of love. But, more often than not, the extreme highs are often accompanied by extreme lows. 'I can't live without you' can easily transition to insecurities, irrational behavior and regrettable consequences. But, isn't it okay to be with someone whose butt you want to grab and who will also provide stability?
Do you know that no matter whose name is on an account/credit card/property if it was funded with money made during your marriage you each own 50% of it? Do you know that if you follow your spouse to a different city/state with a child and stay there for at least sixth months you may not be able to leave the State by law? Do you know how child support works? What your rights are in seeing your kids without a court order? What it’s like to leave these decisions up to someone you don’t know and who doesn’t know you?
Your heart is an organ that pumps blood around the body. Your brain is the organ that THINKS! So, use it. Allow your head to take the lead when it comes to selecting someone who may inevitably have control over your finances, location and headspace. Guys, relationships are serious. Parenthood is serious. Marriage is serious. And you need to use your head to decide who you will tie yourself up with in that way. Don’t let emotions drive you when making decisions that could affect you long term. Or, at least have all the information you before making a major decision. You wouldn’t buy a car without making sure it was in good working order, would you?
The law affects you in real ways and it’s important for you to know how before you are in the midst of a situation, without having made any conscious choices. As Michael Garrett Marino says, “a love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak.” And ain’t that the truth!